Confusion @ W 4th Street Subway Station Tonight

a man was playing saxophone in a cacophonous style.

a voice came on at the station and said because of an ongoing investigation the F train would be stopping at the express track between 23rd street and W 4th street. 

a girl across tracks said the train was coming on the other side, like the northbound side. she said "hurry" loudly. 

saw a person with an eraser-shaped hair cut that had a blond streak in it. the girl was mostly talking to this person. the girl pointed to the other side. she pointed in the garbage train that was going by slowly, between them. i was on the side with the eraser-shaped-hair person. the girl pretended to jump in the garbage train.

the guy playing the saxophone played a lot of notes very fast with no harmonious rhythm, just fast repetitions and loud, up and down, quick scales. i turned my ipod volume all the way down.

 

the voice came on the p-a again and said what the F train was doing.

things were confusing, a little, especially with saxophone playing like that. people gave him money.

a girl with long multi-colored dreads stood next to me. she turned her head and i noticed she was white. i thought she was someone i dated from the internet. she was obese. she asked a woman about the F train. a man with shiny, brown shoes, 'good' clothes and 'good' hair had furrowed brows. my ipod earphones were still in and i concentrated on the saxopohone noises. a woman kind of smiled at me. i thought i would never talk to a stranger though.

i looked at some hipsters. i liked them. i liked the person with the streak in their hair and the girl who wanted to jump into the garbage train.

i don't hate anyone. 

life can be hard because people leave from it, they have their own locations. life can be hard because people get violent and angry. life can be hard because people don't solve problems by looking at them objectively. 

life can be confusing because people don't understand what objects are, maybe. i was thinking the train was something more than just a train. i wanted it to get there.

i feel like i want to tell people what they are doing wrong sometimes, when i feel like i am unsure of everything.

i am not sure if i should do that because it might make them feel bad. the people who are mean but sort of don't realize they are. or people who are negative. maybe they aren't negative and i just perceive them that way because of the type of person i am, like do people just not mix.

do jews and christians just not mix. i don't know how to end this post.

i am remembering the people who were around me as the F train did it's regular things and brought me home.

i smoked a cigar tonight. i ate angel hair pasta. the first bite was hot. the pasta burned all the way past my rib cage in my esophagus. 

wish i could complete / finish / be successful via a story:


Driving to the Adirondacks Jack and Chet eat Doritos and some sort of spicy, smoked peanuts. When they take the exit off of the highway, they stop and take pictures of the moon and then spend approximately forty-dollars at a Grand Union. They are weary of the money they spend because they spent most of their savings on alcoholic beverages in college, two years ago, and haven't made much money since then. Before going to the campsite, they buy two bundles of fire wood at a gas station. They open two beer bottles as soon as they get to the camp site.They use a lighter and the cement edge of the fire pit. 'The beer is good,' Jack says. When they set up their tents it is dark. They use headlamps. They eat hot dogs and put their feet on the cement hearth of the fire pit. They put the hot dogs into folded slices of wheat bread and put ketchup on them. Jack takes a picture of the cooler of beer, of the moon which comes out squiggly, and a close up of the fire. Before they fall asleep they finish three beers each and a package of eight hot dogs.