sometimes i feel like i'm doing things for the wrong reason. a sentence or desire of mine wants to beat someone at something. when i feel this is happening i subdue myself. i think it is better if i'm subdued. i am more creative when i'm subdued. i feel a soft, high-pitch tension in my neck. one time my teacher used a sentence from our work as an example. for a moment i thought it would be one of my sentences. it wasn't. the sentence was very good. i'm trying to re-create the sentence in my head. it was something like 'the dogs and cats chase each other respectively'. the sentence was better than that. something very good has been lost.