i feel like i'm bad at blogging, like i'm inconsistent and that maybe if i was at least consistent i wouldn't be so bad.

i don't know where to really place blogging within the scope of things i do.

i started blogging in order to just put poems somewhere other than in files on a computer or in moleskins or marble notebooks.

then, for a while, i only worked on poems in files and notebooks with the intention to submit them.

i've sort of submitted some things but there are many other 'unfinished' poems just sort of 'laying around' that i don't have the energy to work on or improve by working on in small or large amounts.

i don't want to think about like rules of writing, things that i like about writings, things that i want to see in my writing that are similar to things in other people's writing that make my life more interesting in a way that makes me feel like i can contribute or make me want to be like them and do things like them.

i basically just want to skateboard. but my skateboard is far away. why do i always want things that are far away. i always want to go to the Adirondacks and always feel nostalgic for the Adirondacks and i consider them far away.

this post seems like just a lot of bitching. maybe i'm at that point where bitching will help me change my thinking.

i don't want to be a person whose regular patterns involve bitching. maybe i should just accept who i am.

am i a stupid person. i feel like whatever i'll describe myself as right now will not be good.
so i definitely feel stupid.

there was this time i was at like a water chlorinating facility and i had a pool filtration job and was learning about chlorine and i kept thinking i want to get a suntan so i kept standing directly in the sun and rotating my arms.