hey, so yeah
damn
tao lin published my twitters like ten days ago. the selections he made seem to enhance what i was doing with the twitter thing. i was never sure what i was doing, felt like i was desperately expressing myself a la existential despair when writing some tweets, at other times giddy with excitement, felt heavily influenced by other twitters, and age old things such as aim away messages, bathroom graffiti, drunken facial drawing, other stuff. i read through them more than a few times and created connections, besides the obvious ones, in my head that were not their before the selection/edit/re-post process.
on saturday night i made some drunken posts. i feel bad about this because i felt like i wasn't drunk when i was doing it. it's like i got pretty good at being drunk, i can concentrate pretty good on things, but am overly emotional and inappropriate. damn, seems obvious. if it was another time in my life i might have let the posts stay. i can still read them on my googlereader.
so. hits and comments happened. seemed interesting. feel like i delete more of my twitters since twitters have been published. i still like to twitter. i have been deleting older blog posts. this post sort of establishes that i am not putting exclusively 'art' on my blog. my blog is becoming something different, a different platform. i feel 'whatever', not sure i really care either way. i used to want to be consistent. i feel like i posted things that i wanted to have published places in order to feel validated, as far as my existence, choices, thoughts, place in time etc. should i even actively contemplate life choices under the pretext of being an artist? is 'time' real? i feel like i shouldn't worry about anything, not even 'death'. i don't think i have ever written anything 'good', 'in that case'. i still have never 'completed' a short story. the first time i attempted one was four years ago. i feel like i am not okay as a person. should i even disclose a feeling like that? damn, i am openly experiencing an existential crisis. can i possibly 'overcome' or 'cope' through writing? it feels like since i have a job i stop thinking about by existence, since my job is part of something larger and i have responsibilities to other people, 'yadda, yadda, yadda'.
i have three files of literary type things going on on a zip drive. i take it to and from work. i bought a small journal made from 100% recycled paper. i have not consumed meat since memorial day. it was free so that's like a step above spending money on meat. it seems like i am going to enter a strong period of vegetarianism. i have felt this way before and then returned to a meat based diet almost involuntarily.
i read 'the brandon book crisis' thing on sunday while drinking iced-coffee while overhearing a motivational type conversation between a muscular black man and a short, obese latino woman. before they started talking they split a chicken and rice meal. i think i agreed with the logistics of their problem-solving reasoning 'or something' but in a more detached way. i think i would value certain things less. i kind of want to live in a world without values or money, though i keep a 'selective' bookshelf separate from all the other books i own - a place for more qualified literature in my view of what i have directly or indirectly chosen to 'like'.
i saw Line & a Dot twice. i like that. looking forward to having actual mp3s of One Toy Sarah's music instead of relying on her myspace page.
i spent $51 dollars at the grocery store. i was thinking that i have better things to say to people when they are not around, but feel hopeful that i will have an opportunity in the future to say something close to the things i was thinking about. i almost twittered something similar to the previous sentence. it just seemed like a normal thought that i should keep to myself. i am sort of thankful for the internet in those regards. potato bread pb&js are so sweet. i ate some then fell asleep with my laptop on my lap and then woke up as it was sliding off my lap. my body went into like a miniature panic attack. i saved laptop though. i felt traumatized then laid down on the couch on my side after that.
this was while watching the yankee game, but was awake for nick swisher's double that broke the tie in the seventh. i am excited that joba is building his credit as a starter, in lieu of MikeFrancesca 'taring him (and other joba supporterbros) a new one' on tristate sports radio. i am glad the yankees have a no-error streak/record going.
i watched Drag Me to Hell, a bootlegged version streamed on Justin.TV by some random bros who i think were in high school because i observed them chatting and they mentioned homework. it was pretty cool. i liked it. i like the type of horror it was. i felt like the setup story was good. i am glad they involved banking and used a relevant situation to 'set the plot in motion.' i am not sure about the visual representation of the antagonistic demons but the camera tricks made all the manifestations plausible - shadows, wind, cut aways, blood, fuscous-matter. i was dissappointed it was only rated pg-13. i feel like i am ready for rated R, especially when it comes to horror. i felt like the technique adhered to interesting rules of filmmaking i learned in school as a television production major who thought 'film' was cool.
zachary german's new blog is cool.
also bought brandon scott gorrell's book.
i don't like being awake this late when i have to work tomorrow. it seems like my thoughts are more concise after 2am for some unknown reason.
i was thinking i wasn't sure if i was liberal or conservative, probably going to enter into the future answering that question as 'neither'.
i also read The Tigers Are Better-Looking and plan on typing notes/thoughts about each of the stories and making that the next post.
is this how i do this? the self-aware internet literature personality; real life information, reality/experience/perceived emotions and thoughts.
i still like art and stuff, not sure why i need to strive to be an artist though. it seems like 'the more you put in the more you get out.' it seems also like my thoughts and stuff will be just as interesting if i concentrated on media production and forget about the literature scene and revert back to reading faulkner novels until they dog-ear to death and i have to buy new ones.
i friended Dennis Cooper on facebook. i also saw his book Ugly Man at barnes and noble. i saw that he likes Rimbaud. i read Rimbaud one time with friends while we were stoned and drunk. one time i was working at a fire in brooklyn for the news station and a bro txted me the famous first line to that famous poem - something about life being a banquet and drinking wine. i can't believe leo played him. i watched that movie a few years ago. i was into rimbaud in '06 i think. i am not sure what he was talking about in his poetry. it seemed highly emotional and sad though. it seems like he was into synesthesia from what i read on the internet. i think that was just a form of metaphor though. he also was saying 'i is another'.
i feel like i witnessed brandon scott gorrell's blog 'go' from like a lot of 'artistic' posts to highly informative and 'active-in-the-scene' type posts, where he manipulated the landscape via a short story contest. i feel like i noticed literature themed bloggers doing similar things and this seems like another level of them just being artists which is good for them if they like that stuff i guess. i feel like i enjoy blogs that are purely 'artistic' as well as 'highly informative ones'. i feel like the purely 'artistic' ones post less, maybe. sometimes blogs that hardly post seem really 'good'. idk. it's all good, just not sure what i should do with myself. i have been paying close attention to what i think while i am like waiting for trains, and other idle activities. i think that might be a good place 'to start' on developing my persona.
speaking of scenes, i talked to some friends who went to mountain jam.
this is the most in-depth conversation about mountain jam V that i have had so far:
:46 PM me: you see cris bro?
| 9 minutes |
1:56 PM JJ: My condolences
you PERVE
hahaha
1:57 PM me: damn
yo
JJ: yeah i saw Chris a ------- bunch man
me: nice
JJ: multiple times a day with his buds
me: nice
JJ: too classic, he's really one of the best
and sadly 110% like you man
noticed it now more than ever
haha
me: that is what i like to hear
1:58 PM JJ: hahaha down to like the sayings and everything, the thingsd he laughs at and shit
it was scary
but he was great, hung out a lot...had some babes with him too
me: nice
who did you go with initially
JJ: wen intiially just Stark, Pappas and I
and literally, we pull into a parking spot, and right next to us
me: nice
JJ: are Tim Brunell, Dan Gilsenan
and a bunch of other peoople
yorktown people
1:59 PM me: nice
JJ: it was classic, so we all ended up as one big tent community, so perfect
2:00 PM u gotta get out for the next one
no excuses, have to
me: nice, maib
maib
2:04 PM what bands were 'good' IMHO
2:05 PM IYHO
JJ: haha nice yeah
dude
TLG ripped, but that was to be expected
allmans late night last night, was surprisingly short (no encore)
but wow did they just ------- shred man
far and away breakout of the weekend was this band U-melt
me: they played late on a sunday
JJ: who had a late night set in the lodge saturday 1-3am
me: surprising
2:06 PM JJ: saturdays lineup was weak in the jam dept, so people were just like...hurting for some danceable music
U-Melt had the lodge (small indoor venue) and just...slayed it man
people were lined up outside the lodge dancing and shit just to hear it
2:07 PM so I'm going to keep a close on them for sure
me: were these terms, slayed, shred, and ripped used at the festival
JJ: haahah probably some worse ones
but they all just go along with the scene
me: i like them
JJ: we talked a lot about the scene, hahaha while we were boozing
me: nice. i like self-awareness
2:08 PM JJ: we just sit and you can pick any person at the festival and say shit that no one else could understand...haha
I left midway bobby to catch DSO at the solar
like all this perve talk, haha Stark was loving it
me: bobby who?
JJ: hahaha bobby weir
me: nice
JJ: ummm
me: i knew that
JJ: Kreutzmann played with his band did a lot of great dead covers
2:09 PM Franti, was of course, just the most uplifiting positive shit ever
you can knock the pop sensibilities in his music, i can't disagree with you there
me: manningsbiatch could use that
JJ: but seeing him live is like, englightening
yeah without a doubt
2:13 PM me: going for coffee