for a few moments my life will continue
without me contemplating wanting to or not wanting to live
sometimes i see something vaguely on the computer screen
in the windows bar
specifically on the gmail window tab
and i focus at where it says 'Gmail...'
and concentrate on my anticipation
of a message, for it to say '_________ says...'
it feels like seeing to a million
germs vibrate under a microscope

my boredom becomes a loneliness
i don't have any friends right now
there's a cold chicken roll next to me
a too loud basketball game
drank all my snapple
snapple made my mouth taste funny
just thought about the tense
changes in my cover letter
and looked back on my life
like i never lived in its front seat
the ball of my foot on the corner
of a break pedal
two cliffs reaching out
and holding a glob of chocolate
above the brook

Books I Read Specifically to Cope

Short Cuts by Raymond Carver,

The Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys,
Who Will Run the Frog Hospital by Lorrie Moore,

Quartet by Jean Rhys,

The Collected Works of W.B. Yeats (the first 30 pages),

(Random poems from) Sunflower Splendor: Three Thousand Years of Chinese Poetry,

A&P by John Updike on the internet on the day he died,

Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs by Ellen Kennedy [anecdote],

started Follies by Ann Beattie.