i have been having apprehensive feelings about initiating conversations with people or ay, caramba!

there is a grammar book that i like. “the sea horses, you see, were lassoed, broken, taken to the rodeo, and, at last, after all these degradations, put in a tank on Fisherman’s Wharf[…]” is a sentence in a paragraph about voice.

the book uses clever sentences, they 'make you think'. the examples usually cover a lot of possibilities. the style seems like a 'writerly' style. not like a cover letter or office style.

there is also a story woven throughout the book.

at one time or another, i took sentence examples as sort a framework for sentences to start poems with or to like insert into my poems a la the 'bad poems' on this blog like here.

i feel pity for the people at the public library who have to wait to use the computers while people use their allotted time to check their myspaces. this seems frustrating for them.

i feel like i am in some sort of mood where i can keep writing a lot, where i feel like i need to write.

i think i might be in the gym later yearning over ideas i want to write down thought i will not be able because the gym is not a environment conducive to a writing.

i am going to go to the gym though.

that is the 'life i have chosen'. i sort of wrote this down before i typed it. i sort of feel like i should type things exactly as they are written but while applying rules like 'expand contractions', 'add subjects like I'

i feel confused by the things i know i will never understand. the things that are happening that i would feel better if they did not are persistently happening. i am dying. at the end of the day i am alone. at the end of it all we are alone.

i am more excited about going to the gym than not going to the gym. i pay to go to the gym and if i go tonight then i can 'not go tomorrow' and spend time on writing. [before edit: more excited about adding the gym in there than not going]

i am back from the gym.

i feel like the period of my life when i waste money to do things that i feel are fun is over. i feel like if i were paying to go to college again i would not waste the money by drinking instead of studying and when i have money in my bank account i do not feel like spending it all until i black out drunk. that life not only seemed unlivable but also it seemed.

in the book i was walking about before, there is a drawing or print of a person in a little chariot with bird wings and he he or she is holding the reigns which are really just strings tethered to a bunch of birds. there are skeletons and stuff too. i like these things in the book. there are some exposed breasts in the pictures, some bats, frogs, horses, vampires, duh.

i think i will use the internet for grammatical help if i feel [illegible] worried about grammar.

i feel pressure from my spellcheck to capitalize 'gothic' and 'internet'.