my eye hurts so badly.
it feels like pliers are pinched around
the skin just outside the tapering lid
and twisting.
if i squint it feels like they're being pulled.
the eye is throbbing. my head is throbbing.
the eyeball is bloodshot.

i want to drink myself to death tonight.
this on top of everything else.
i feel like i'm a character created by myself
on the verge of chaos.
i wrote about the inner chaos.
nothing matters to me. i want to put my head
in my blankets and cry.

i don't know. my head is out of control.
this post doesn't make me feel any better.
it doesn't make any sense.
if anyone sees this i don't know what they'll think.
i think it will be very awkward.
the only way i won't be awkward anymore
is if i drink a lot.

i'm not afraid to do that.

nothing makes sense to me tonight.
i've been writing for hours.
i've drank beers. what's this about?
i should have said i miss you.
i'm writing about things too close to me.
i'm writing the words of a crazy person.
the person trying to write about things
that haven't happened.
i'm a fake person. i have city of money driven
people inside me. the people want to
walk in their sleep into the night.
nothing makes sense.
i miss you, i said. my fingers itch.
i'm dying from my face. no longer will i be able to see.