inside paragraph

how do i get places?
in like a car
and how do they know
where that stuff is
small poems 'amaze' me
but i want to only think
in atoms fine
shaking atoms
of fucking fire
i'm on subway
the track work
a weekend don't put
me inside me
you shithead

blog

always here
blog
i'm running around
ha
you're always here

i'm going to forget what this is really about

i use paper towels to dry lettuce

i put some lettuce in a bowl chopped up

i put some nutritional yeast on the lettuce

some extra virgin olive oil

i gut an avocado and put the guts in the bowl

i toss the lettuce

i don't know why i care about certain things

something is happening

things are in places

i'm undisciplined

actually i'm disciplined in something that doesn't matter

yup

something sucks my life out

yuck

shit

i wash the dishes

i dream i'm fighting off invaders of the apartment with silverware

the invaders look like they are zombies or just really sick

and don't clean themselves blood on their eyes and mouths

i'm nervous they keep opening the front door and coming upstairs

i just want to sit and watch tv and forget about them

some of the silverware that i threw at them and missed stuck into the wall

and i was impressed with that

i dream that i ride the L train too far into brooklyn and when i get out to switch

to the manhattan bound track i'm in the country and it's dark

the country keeps invading my dreams

the carpentry work reminds me of the country

i dream i'm in the adirondacks and i walk up to cabin to collect

the ground tarps that we used camping which were spread over split-rail fences

to dry and some people follow me

we cross a stream that's falling over a steep grade and there is a pool

collecting between large rocks

i roll the tarps up in my arms and we go in the stream

i throw a fork into an eye of a haunted stuffed animal that is propped up 

on my tv when the eye opens and it's face flashes like a camera bulb. 

monday night football

i go to the dentist via subway then train

it's a nice day

i fill out a chart

i sit in the chair

they xray me

the woman says, 'relax'

i guess i'm not relaxed

i think i'm relaxed

they say my teeth are healthy

i go to the library

i read moby dick

i write in a journal

i finish moby dick

i take out an alice notley book

i go home

i write a check

i transfer money

i go grocery shopping

i cook food

i watch tv and eat food

blindness

you know when you

hear about something 

bad happening to someone

and you think

'there are a lot of people out there

and somehow bad stuff only

happens to them

well my aunt had a shaggy haired dog

and when it got wet

there was a very distinct smell

that was hard to stand

but she would wait around

motionless

and appear cold

cat body

i was talking with

two people in my living room

it got cold

one person said

i'm going to bed

we kept talking

then i got up for a beer

and the other two got up

and one person offered me some

money for a beer

i said they didn't need to give me money

and gave that person a beer

then i said i'd stay up 

in the living room 

if they weren't tired

then i went into a closet

and put on a sweatshirt

it's windy and raining

and our windows are open

i went to the windows

and looked out

i think my hand was on the rocking chair

i sipped the beer

two voices are in a bedroom

i give up

there's a new smell in the apartment

i haven't done anything different

a sweet smell everywhere

i notice it when i first walk in

then it goes away

i think it's coming from 

the apartment below me

two days ago i was in a friends

apartment for the first time

and it had a strong smell

i like his apartment a lot

his parents live there too

this goes back to my theories

on all things vibrating a little

but i can hear leaves touching 

dark cellphone screens

when i was ten,
i was outside in a wool
flanel -
leaves were brown on the grass
- until after

the sun went down

then, i don't know,
there was a lot of music
on cd players and discmen,
folders at school,
then binders and lockers.

it was just the way it felt
outside.