once i was in a house and saw an ayn rand book

and then i saw a david mccullough book

I WANTED TO CREATE A RADIO SHOW / PODCAST THING

the radio show didn't get finished
i made it to two songs
which were both by amy winehouse off of bank to black
i had an intro track of my voice
i wanted to put never meant by american football
on it and then talk about how i used to listen to
it on my old mp3 player while i went for runs up a mountain
when i was in college
the radio show didn't work because i couldn't layer the songs
with the voice tracks for some reason
plus i needed to d/l more songs

SHERYL CROW IS GOOD SOMETIMES

i square danced with a girl who said she was a singer
she gave me her card
i googled her and found her songs on myspace
but the songs weren't available
then i youtubed her and i found out
she plays football and is good at defense

i walk between two squirrels

one ran onto a porch of a house

while the one who had been chasing the other one
in circles

froze in the road and stared at me

i was a little afraid and felt a little something

i can't describe

i have owned several grammar books over the years. though i don't usually remember them, a lot of the lessons and rules in them make sense to me. my writing style can be influence more by grammar lessons. The Deluxe Transitive Vampire is my favorite grammar book, mainly because of its sentence style. after reading sentences from that book, i usually want to write derivative sentences. sometimes i carry it to and from work, along with other books, without opening it. other times i have carried it to and from work and have opened it. with no set goals in mind, oftentimes i open it while in my apartment, laying on my bed. oftentimes i do simple things that i feel are supplemental to my life. regardless of emotional implications, i feel i have adopted a sentence style that is positive. 

'a restaurant built around a terraced garden' in an ann beattie story

reminds me of the area in the middle of my high school that was 'outdoors' and

had a tree in the middle with bushes on the side.

my lab partner threw frog legs into it once.

after the teacher caught us, i watched him from the second story as he retrieved them .

the story is about a man who hates thanksgiving. 

i'm not following the plot of the story, but ensuring my eyes look at each word.

when i finish the last page i predict i will feel like i've made every moment in life count.

while i sleep, this feeling will vanish.

then i will get up to go to the bathroom and fall forwards, outside of my skin.

reaching for the inside of my arms, the inside of my arms will feel unreachable. 

from Untitled

Jim brings a camera to the lake house. The camera was given to him by a cousin from Kansas. The cousin is a professional photographer who invested in a newer camera with a bigger lens. Jim realizes the camera is lost when the sun is at the top of the sky and Ellen suggests walking down the shore trail to see the other houses. He sees the quilts on the guest room beds which are perfectly flat in the non-sunlight. There are two small duffel bags, with open mouths, revealing folded sweatshirts and rolled up bathing suits. The sloping lawn shines outside the large, diamond-paned windows. Jim leans down and looks under the bed against the right wall. The dark metal cross and support bars create shadows resembling things other than camera. He lays his stomach to the floor and slides to the bed that touches the left wall and the windows of the back wall. His palms touch the floor two inches to the outside of each pec muscle.The space under these double beds is darker but he still feels the camera is not there. He stands and feels the blood run down the inside of his body. Jim pans the tall dresser covered in an old fashioned tray, black and white photos, a dish of bracelets, and a miniature log cabin made for incense burning - no camera. 

somewhere i have a picture of a haunted fireplace in louisiana 

one time in louisiana i gutted a house whose owner

wanted us to save any star wars toys we found

also the barge board was valuable

which the house was made of i'm thinking

about those two places because i  can't sleep

for a few moments my life will continue
without me contemplating wanting to or not wanting to live
sometimes i see something vaguely on the computer screen
in the windows bar
specifically on the gmail window tab
and i focus at where it says 'Gmail...'
and concentrate on my anticipation
of a message, for it to say '_________ says...'
it feels like seeing to a million
germs vibrate under a microscope

my boredom becomes a loneliness
i don't have any friends right now
there's a cold chicken roll next to me
a too loud basketball game
drank all my snapple
snapple made my mouth taste funny
just thought about the tense
changes in my cover letter
and looked back on my life
like i never lived in its front seat
the ball of my foot on the corner
of a break pedal
two cliffs reaching out
and holding a glob of chocolate
above the brook