the bullets we fire off the ferry into the river,

aiming for the goldfish, are found in the holes of 

the rubber mats. i find my rifle under two plastic ninja swords

and a toy fishing net. peanut shells, shaved ginger root, 

and muddy soybeans.

 

the boat angles away from the pier in the green water.

the dingy teeters below the surface like a shit piece of wood,

when i drop my ass in the dingy and worry about keeping my gun dry,

when i begin to see the orange fish in the worsening swells 

and feel daunted, hopeless, and alive in my dream. the ferry's 

 

wake rises like a cgi and throws us under and we are gone. 

when we are gone, our coffee is drank by new strive-rs. the self-interest

solicits confessions, but i still rake in in its flow, when i'm at a job,

where i can't see you in your sarong. 

my life is boring

i can see someone moving in their apartment

across the highway

they are floating above a star

i need a drink

to feel better

having a nervous breakdown

keep typing things into the url bar and then deleting them

my internet connection failed once

that wasn't as bad as this 

sometimes always connected to my gym

i can go anywhere

can't touch anyone though, damn

want to hug someone

want to hug south america

a car has all our birthdays in it

traveling through kansas

i hope the night goes into my air conditioner

battery fails on this laptop

there's an email out there no one responded to

reader, you can go to the window

and take me out of my poetry

DIRE WOLF

child walks up a fire escape

shy

crank powered flashlight

vitamin C

tennis ball in a scented candle

last night was looking around

with my eyes before i feel asleep

not sure if my heart is supposed

to beat that fast after i climb stairs

feel like my heart rate could

be a bottle of pills

sort of took something out 

of the printer and just, like

what is that thing

i think downstairs is where

they only have parties

every day i drink a snapple my life gets a little easier
i drink a snapple every day

go to old navy and buy a blue button up shirt
and dark blue relaxed fit jeans

go to banana republic and buy a white button up
shirt and a pair of flat front gray khakis with thin white stripes
and a boater's roap belt with blue slip on boat shoes

buy a yellow, collar t-shirt at hollister
and baby blue boxers with red anchors design on it

put the collar t-shirt on then the white, then the blue
button up shirts
put on the boxers, jeans, khakis then the belt and the shoes

go to grays papaya and get cheese fries
and give the cheese fries to a homeless man

idly read the first chapter of the hobbit in Ellis bar in Park Slope, in Brooklyn
then smoke a cigarette outside

go back into Ellis bar and order shot after shot of bourbon
until you 'black-out'



*

someone from my highschool died in a car accident
i googled him and found his resume
he was studying finance at syracuse
where he was accepted with a lacrosse scholarship
a lot of 'star' lacrosse players from my highschool
went on to study finance and become successful on wall st.
when i think about the behavioral patterns of successful
lacrosse players i think they seem very rational
and implacable, they are like 'hardened soldiers'
who won't say or do things that will make me angry
though what they do talk about won't seem that important
they will laugh at things that don't seem very funny to me
or may be very funny to me
they'll seem detached or dignified and have a worried
expression on their faces that seems healthy or attractive
that makes me feel calm

once i was in a house and saw an ayn rand book

and then i saw a david mccullough book

I WANTED TO CREATE A RADIO SHOW / PODCAST THING

the radio show didn't get finished
i made it to two songs
which were both by amy winehouse off of bank to black
i had an intro track of my voice
i wanted to put never meant by american football
on it and then talk about how i used to listen to
it on my old mp3 player while i went for runs up a mountain
when i was in college
the radio show didn't work because i couldn't layer the songs
with the voice tracks for some reason
plus i needed to d/l more songs

SHERYL CROW IS GOOD SOMETIMES

i square danced with a girl who said she was a singer
she gave me her card
i googled her and found her songs on myspace
but the songs weren't available
then i youtubed her and i found out
she plays football and is good at defense