NPR, CSPAN, CSPAN 2, AIR AMERICA RADIO, PBS 21/13

I watched / listened to all of these media outlets today.

I listened to WNYC, which is the New York NPR affiliate, I think, a little in the morning, using their streaming web broadcast. I enjoy the ongoing coverage of health care. They always have a 2-3 minute story on a health care related conflict every morning. Though, I don't feel like I understand the overall conflicts caused by our health care system any more than I did before. I just know that I support any idea of a public option. My support seems vague and useless though. I think I support it because I use the subway system. I think health care and transportation should be optioned by the government. I also support the government in their protection of the land, i.e. "Forever Wild". I will get back to that later. [I no longer support the idea of a public heatlh care option.]

CSPAN had two shots in one screen. One was of a white man talking. One was of the bench in congress. The people around the bench seemed to be walking around in an undisciplined fashion like in a senior seminar class where the students all have independent focuses. There were numbers on the screen. There was a vote for something related to health care reform. The democrats, who had power in numbers, AND the republicans comprised for a majority count in the "YEA" column.

CSPAN 2 had a multi-camera thing going on. It seemed like there were no camera people though. They switched shots much less frequently than, lets say, "Oprah". Some democrats were talking about health care fraudulence. It seemed like no one was listening. Sometimes they said things like, "The point I am trying to make, Mr. President is..." I am 99% sure Obama was not in Congress today.

I put Air America Radio on using their streaming web browser broadcast. It was the Montelle Williams show but someone was filling in for him. The fill in was a comedian. He seemed to have a lot of good ideas but he didn't give very many facts. I kept in mind this was a national radio show. He had guests but I don't remember any of their titles.

In my apartment I watched PBS 13 and there was a topical piece on. I forget what it was about but then when it was concluding they switched to a shot of Tavis Smiley in the studio and I thought to myself, "Ah, Smiley."

In my apartment I also watched PBS 21, locally known as WLIW. There was a documentary on The Adirondacks on. I felt my skin feel a coldness. There were waves of coldness. I felt excited. They talked about logging, the Miracle on Ice, Olympians, the history of protection and land use. The big issue seems to be land use. People in the interviews said things that seemed to set the Adirondacks apart from other wilderness places. Sort of like when authors talk about other authors they like. The Adirondacks seem to have national significance. It seems to be an area identified by wilderness, ownership boundaries, agencies, worldviews, natural organisms. Ubiquitous.

I stayed on PBS 21. There were some world news segments, more health care reform attention, some aids in third world places attention. Now, now the antiques road show is on. The people on antiques road show seem smart. The experts seem detached from the objects. The owners seem attached and sort of ignorant. Someone on gchat expressed excitement for this show. They said they like when the people are silent at the end of each appraisal, when they are letting the cameras just show the antique items in a still shot. Awkward.

i am going to the Adirondacks next weekend

if the weather holds up

i am very excited

The initial organizational meeting, attended by forty people, took place on December 5, 1921 in the Log Cabin atop the Abercrombie & Fitch sporting goods store in New York City. The club's objectives were to develop and maintain hiking trails, to construct and maintain campsites and permanent camps, to publish maps and guidebooks, and to educate the public regarding the conservation of natural resources and prevention of forest fires. One of the first trails constructed by club members was the 133-mileNorthville-Placid Trail which traverses the Adirondacks in a north-south orientation.

- wikipedia

is this a good mountain to climb in tribute to the fallen heroes of 9-11...

sup september, anti flag, september, comfi lahari

What should I do when someone acts mean or appears angry?
It does not seem like it will be permanent
I feel like it is similar to a thought in that respect
In that respect should I not just leave it alone
until it does something different?
Do thoughts do things on their own?
Should I be anticipating something or
just very careful with everything?

*

It seems like I haven’t written any good loneliness poems
It seems like I haven’t changed in a long time

Change, man, change is so underrated

I thought about asking my friend how much money he had
What if myself and this friend move to the country
Would this be homoerotic because the friend I am thinking of is male

I honestly think I can be a better person in the country

*

We have been in the same house
And moving towards the same room maybe
Are we moving towards the same room
I hope we are
I wish I had another beer
The beer I have now is really good
It is the only one
The incenses burning are my last two incenses
There’s a breeze
I’m in a rocker
I am a rocker
Something happened in my head that’s either insignificant
Or inexplicable, whatever
Where are you?
Hey

*

Nothing seems interesting.
I am focusing in on a lot of things from my position here
In the rocking chair.
My back aches a little from sitting like this for a while.
My beer got a little warmer.
There's no going back.
I just focused on the atmosphere
between myself and this tree
hoping for some internal reaction.
i guess no, i guess i perceived
the length of my life only.
I guess that is a reaction.
disatisfaction is just a longer
word for 'bored' when you can't
make yourself learn more.

Smile And Compliment - Peggy H...

;)

"Overseeding Keeps Lawn Thick And Weed-Free"

or

Structural Irony





can't believe it's been a year since this: http://johnguaragno.com/2008/08/25/miles-ross-an-ode/#comments

one of the great summers, seriously

hasn't it been one of the chillest seasons ever, that you can think of in your recent lifetime? there's been a lot of rain, but a lot of really nice days too – the weather seems like whatever.

the whole year has been pretty sweet actually, probably one of the best years of my life.

now i know what you're thinking, 'doesn't everyone feel like shitty.’ it seems like you might think that, i don't really know.

i am glad we can all band together to defend ourselves against the unanimous inhuman force that incessantly makes us feel shitty.

looking at my inbox this morning i witnessed something with the subject line ‘fiction submission’ and the first lines reading ‘we regret to inform you…’ appear.

i feel smart because i can observe things in detail and then express myself impressionably on other people.

i am pretty much set for life.

oh wait there was something else…

i think i thrive off observing my self-expression take affect.

my subject matter is highly refined and i discriminate heavily. i think i will really have a controlled thing to work with in the future.

it seems like anything i get really excited about is not worth being that excited about. or maybe it just always turns into a desire for a type of food or drink.

here’s some stuff that happened:

my mom said she was sick during the year of her first pregnancy. she went out drinking on a lot of the nights. and i said damn. and my aunt said that explains a lot, miles.

i think before or after that i said imagine two people who look just like scott and chris (the two who were not with us) walk out of the woods. my aunt said miles, where do you come up with this stuff.

on the first night my cousin asked me about not eating animals and peter singer. idk what was actually said. i felt sort of drunk and bad at speaking / formulating thoughts. the convo evolved into something about our purpose as humans or something. i seem to remember it more via feelings.

my brother said he'd never be as depressed as my cousins and myself because he's going to do what he enjoys, skateboarding, and i felt like my mom told him we were all depressed behind my back. but now i think i am wrong in thinking that.

i enjoy tetris, and other video games, because they evoke errors in my myself that i don't feel the need to express.

my brother had an idea to get a tattoo of the scene in jurassic park where the young kid is electrocuted by the giant fence and goes flying off of it.

i wrote sentences like 'scott is napping.' 'peter takes a shower.' 'the cats seem divided and anonymous.'

we all weren't sure what was going on and my aunt said we could write poetry. i think i recoiled. i definitely smiled at the computer screen.

i have been between pages (~)80 - (~)115 since around friday of last week.

i am looking at the book and thinking about something other than the book.

i feel like it was written in long sittings and is not revisable. a lot of the language is abstract and if it were to be revised i feel like it would unravel and be difficult to reconstruct.

i feel like i am taking drugs for the purpose of scientific observance.

why am i a person just being tested?
do i not want a house?

i feel myopically attached to something.

i feel like i have no use for the book but i feel like i can read it and react to it passively, with detachment.

"...They can't understand what did it. A complication of pregnancy. They don't inquire further. They misunderstand medical terms. Their vocabulary is not one of disease. Nor is it one of health. What they do, always, is a compromise between death and living. They do know that no doctor was called. She died at night while the Reverend was sleeping, while the little child Kate was sleeping. They also know that the fetus was not expelled. It was tight within her still when she was taken away. Snug as a core in an apple. They do not like to discuss it really. It is not that they are not curious or bereaved or amazed. It is just that they lack the proper terms. They are embarrassed by their own references. The death isn't quite acceptable. It isn't quite . . . respectable."

-pg 110 (SCRIBNER SIGNATURE EDITION)

i am unaware of myself reacting internally to what i have read above.

something small happened when i read it.

can i export the small maybe lost thing in my 'material'.

how do i monetize myself?

i just want to be vague and vaguely transition from sentences

i keep hearing either rain or a fan or an air conditioner

i am very comfortable when i close my eyes right now

very tired and confident

i am listening to animal collective

chloroplasts / photosynthesis

my brain has eliminated an awareness for a vague presence of rules

that's not it

i feel like i am insulting myself and others

by lacking the proper 'terms'

i have been editing this post for the ~4 days it has been posted

this is what happens to me when i get drunk

i am not sure exactly happens when i get drunk

i am drunk when it is happening

i feel like some of the worst moments in my life

happened when i was drunk

i picture my eyes moving around a lot

i smile a lot

my face feels warm

i make a lot of compliments

i think about food

i want to hear specific songs that i didn't really care about before

i think i felt some the most positive feelings

when i was drunk

i have felt negative feelings when i have been drunk

i feel that less intense negative feelings over a longer,

sober period of time are worse than drunk negative feelings

it is not that i don't know what happens to me when i am

drunk

i feel like i do not become less capable when i am drunk

i hate myself for this blog post already

i feel that when i am drunk i never hate myself

the fan has been rotating with electrical force for an 8 or 9 hour time period

fragments of my dreams arbitrarily materialized in my thoughts

while i struggled to complete a sentence in something else i was writing

i feel like i would be more productive if i focused all my writing efforts

in one area

sometimes i think i should eliminate blogging, twittering, and journaling.

i should either write poems or stories.

i should only tell stories about moments that are crazy or intense.

at 5pm today i hated the writing i was working.

at 12pm now i don't hate it. i feel that i can progress.

i know what i want at this moment in time.

*edited 4 days later*reread for the first time while 'stoned'. 'added' to it while 'stoned'*edited 4 days later*

I was reading State of Grace by Joy Williams and this passage seemed to stand out:

"The moment was mine, I knew, because I grew up all intuition and no curiosity. There's not a curious bone in my body. Like clockwork, I grew up with an innate sense of the proper order of things. I left it to the others to discover their egotistical sexuality. They were programed for impulse but lacked true desire. I recall my own schoolmates professing to enjoy the dopey pleasures of the Tip-O-Whirl in the bleached grassless playground of kindergarten as they wrapped their little thighs around the banana seats. I was not affronted by such behaviour. How could I be? I was up to Jeremiah in my insatiable quest for order. THE HEART IS DECEITFUL ABOVE ALL THINGS AND DESPERATELY WICKED: WHO CAN KNOW IT?"

I felt like I was walking down a marina dock and as I passed a pontoon boat that barely fits in its slip, I reacted in a way that has been arbitrarily interposed to my reactions to my environment as they both change over time. I am picturing a lot of boats before and after the 'pontoon boat'. Can I think of boats in a marina and paragraphs as dichotomies. I think boats look like coffins or bugs sometimes.

I keep thinking 'everything changes over time'.

Everything cancels out. I just pictured a computer floating and then fading into a dark space.

I think eternity. I picture an alternate vision of blackness with blurry, pink boarders. I feel 'brainy'.

I feel like I don't need to be here metaphysically.

I feel like after reading this paragraph that I felt something different and then something I have developed from reading and communicate with other people has caused me to type it on my blog. I think it had to do with a voice admitting that it relied on intuition. I feel something in connection to relying on intuition and my ideas associated with language are connected. The situation in which a person relates themselves to the idea of intuition makes me feel like there is a change in the way I am related to the things I type.

I feel like someone inside of me is using some sort of aggressive or unreasonable method to control the outcome or order.

I feel like I am trying to reattach myself to myself, continually, forever. I think I need new things to attach to. I think I need to detach and attach somewhere different. I think I can describe myself as abstract and rhetorical at this point in the blogpost.

I feel like I had to use an acquired skill to resolve the feelings in my last paragraph.

If I am problem solving and my brain articulates 'intuition' what should I do?

Can I cope with my uncertainty? What does it mean when I type 'I hate myself'?

I think I feel okay saying / typing things that have a high probability of revealing my shortcomings - not worried about being incorrect.

I am not sure what's actually going on in this book. I reread a lot of the paragraphs. I like all the paragraphs. I felt like I was truly enjoying the above paragraph when I first read it.

So I transcribed the paragraph into my blogger account and I don't think I understand it. What do you think she means?

Not sure what a "Tip-O-Whirl" is. Youtube shows a "Tilt-O-Whirl" that looks like a ride that runs on a circular, up and down track, with individually rotating carriages which you can spin yourself.

Jeremiah is a prophet from the bible. Jeremiah:

"Jeremiah is also famous as "the broken-hearted prophet" (who wrote or dictated a "broken-hearted book", which has been difficult for scholars to put into chronological order), whose heart-rending life, and true prophecies of dire warning went largely unheeded by the people of Israel. God told Jeremiah, "You will go to them; but for their part, they will not listen to you"."

- http://www.wikipedia.org/

listening to eric clapton. i don't know why.

next time i will be more focused and also happier

i keep thinking about things i should do

then i picture my face or something

i just feel like i can't decide what to do or i don't want to do anything

i just put my head down on my arm and exhaled

earlier i thought about getting in a nearly fatal car accident

and then just not telling anyone about it unless they

asked me like what happened at that specific time

or what happened when i was doing what i was doing just before the accident

i am not sure how i could create suspense in any other way

or in any aspects of my life

if i try to create something suspenseful

it will probably fail

i need to accumulate a lot of undisclosed information (true, untrue, mental or physical format)

i walked through time square and felt angry and impatient or something

about how everyone was in each other's way and it all seemed

unhealthy and inefficient and stupid

i felt better after thinking something like 'nothing is unique or original'

i felt like i could disappear or something

i mean it was easy to feel that nothing mattered

i just want to develop consistent patterns in my activities

i want to be able to deal with ranges of emotions and also physical problems

in a way that can be viewed as entertaining

i think if i have to go cross town in midtown next time i'll take like 41st street

the two block detour will be worth it, i think

i don't want to try and read a bunch of books

and then get bored with those books

and tell myself 'fuck books and writing and art'

and then do something else that during the moments i am

doing those things all of a sudden will make me feel like i should be with a book instead

i wish i used another example besides books

feels like a safe bet though

i don't know why i chose suspense before either

whatever though

is there a category for "excuse" words that would include 'just', 'but', 'though', 'instead', 'besides' 'etc.'?

i am not sure but i might always be making excuses

i could change that maybe. i think 'maybe' is an "excuse" word

i feel really confused but i feel that confusion doesn't matter at this point

i am still "complete" as a person