so tired though
what the hell is going on?
did you listen to the radio show?
5.10.2010
i planned on going to see the claude monet late works and being disappointed and i was.
i sort of felt happy, leaving work, going north towards the gallery.
thoughts that i should be sad while in the presence of the paintings embryonically developed.
only when i actually started to feel sad in front of the paintings did i enjoy myself.
my earphones were in my ears the whole time with music coming out of them. i felt things while looking at the paintings. i wanted to sleep. i didn't like the paintings. i wanted to manipulate paint, somehow, in relation to the paint already on the paintings. 'mainstream cultural events,' i thought.
the space was big. there were 28 paintings. all the frames were nice. the lighting was calming. there was a lot of security, as in people who were there to watch the people watching the paintings.
the event was written about on a blog.
everything seemed very real, as in the paint and the floors and these little boxes in the corners of the rooms that had white discs in them.
walking away from this thing was interesting.
felt a mixture of bad and good emotions. thought about authors, my job, my friends, time of day, the city.
thought 'what is ---------?' while a variety of concepts, habits, concrete materials alternated as the previously missing subject.
just thought a lot, walked, bought a jonagold.
wanted to die. wanted to live. read on the subway but didn't really read.
now i feel anxious and impatient and my room is cold.
i sort of felt happy, leaving work, going north towards the gallery.
thoughts that i should be sad while in the presence of the paintings embryonically developed.
only when i actually started to feel sad in front of the paintings did i enjoy myself.
my earphones were in my ears the whole time with music coming out of them. i felt things while looking at the paintings. i wanted to sleep. i didn't like the paintings. i wanted to manipulate paint, somehow, in relation to the paint already on the paintings. 'mainstream cultural events,' i thought.
the space was big. there were 28 paintings. all the frames were nice. the lighting was calming. there was a lot of security, as in people who were there to watch the people watching the paintings.
the event was written about on a blog.
everything seemed very real, as in the paint and the floors and these little boxes in the corners of the rooms that had white discs in them.
walking away from this thing was interesting.
felt a mixture of bad and good emotions. thought about authors, my job, my friends, time of day, the city.
thought 'what is ---------?' while a variety of concepts, habits, concrete materials alternated as the previously missing subject.
just thought a lot, walked, bought a j
wanted to die. wanted to live. read on the subway but didn't really read.
now i feel anxious and impatient and my room is cold.
5.08.2010
the blog is back ...was privatized due to some difficulties, maybe technical.
i just briefly searched, internally, for a strategic re-publishing method, but...
i'm in a sea. i'm lost in something sea-sized, everyone. dear god,
so much sugar. a diet of fruit and carbs and sodas and rum.
dustin dollin has stupid rocker hair. that guy's on something sweet.
so, my job prevents visits to blogger dot com by using a computer program called a "filter."
blogger is a 'personal site,' apparently.
it now seems important to deal with my personal issues or something, in a personal way.
remember when i used to be weirder in some ways, better ways, but now i'm weird in a bad way.
i skateboarded for maybe 20 minutes today. like "old times" i still suck.
some people were standing in front of a door near where i was trying tricks.
i could hear a bass guitar, amplified. then a hummer limousine parked at the corner.
i've been reading All the Sad Young Literary Men.
think i'm going to read Soldier's Pay next.
it's windy and cooler now,
guess that means a low/high pressure system now shares its presence.
i just briefly searched, internally, for a strategic re-publishing method, but...
i'm in a sea. i'm lost in something sea-sized, everyone. dear god,
so much sugar. a diet of fruit and carbs and sodas and rum.
dustin dollin has stupid rocker hair. that guy's on something sweet.
so, my job prevents visits to blogger dot com by using a computer program called a "filter."
blogger is a 'personal site,' apparently.
it now seems important to deal with my personal issues or something, in a personal way.
remember when i used to be weirder in some ways, better ways, but now i'm weird in a bad way.
i skateboarded for maybe 20 minutes today. like "old times" i still suck.
some people were standing in front of a door near where i was trying tricks.
i could hear a bass guitar, amplified. then a hummer limousine parked at the corner.
i've been reading All the Sad Young Literary Men.
think i'm going to read Soldier's Pay next.
it's windy and cooler now,
guess that means a low/high pressure system now shares its presence.
5.03.2010
4.21.2010
should i formulate the scenes in my novel 'around' or 'based on' ideas and themes?
i was thinking about writing a novel, about needing to f*^&ing work on something, after taking a nap from 4pm - 8pm.
feel like i would rather employ symbolism in my novel than expand ideas or themes concienciously while adapting an autobiographical, fictionalized narrative.
seems like 'being a failure' or 'maintaining a dysfunctional relationship with society' or 'drugs are bad' or 'drugs are good' or 'human kind is doomed' or 'you just gotta go for it' or 'it's best not to expect too much outta life' or 'we're all trapped in our bodies' or 'we're all drugged by consumerism' or 'the government sucks the life out of culture' or 'literature is a house of cards' or 'take care of your body first' or 'take charge of your own destiny' or 'italian boys love pasta' or 'life is beautiful, still, if you neglect what human's have done with it' or 'deep thoughts in solitude in the forest' or 'alone in the forest i am pure' or 'i forgot who i was for a moment while listening to broken social scene' or 'something' could be a central idea in my novel
are there themes to my life, our lives - the lives of people i am in contact with or who live under, within, on top of the same infrastructure as i do - that i have not discovered yet?
seems like it would be best to avoid themes all together. i don't want to skew the reality built within the prose that i feel would ameliorate exactly what i am trying to express.
feel pretty bad about this post, just trying to bury other posts that i also feel bad about.
novel is so bad, maybe i should do something else
i was thinking about writing a novel, about needing to f*^&ing work on something, after taking a nap from 4pm - 8pm.
feel like i would rather employ symbolism in my novel than expand ideas or themes concienciously while adapting an autobiographical, fictionalized narrative.
seems like 'being a failure' or 'maintaining a dysfunctional relationship with society' or 'drugs are bad' or 'drugs are good' or 'human kind is doomed' or 'you just gotta go for it' or 'it's best not to expect too much outta life' or 'we're all trapped in our bodies' or 'we're all drugged by consumerism' or 'the government sucks the life out of culture' or 'literature is a house of cards' or 'take care of your body first' or 'take charge of your own destiny' or 'italian boys love pasta' or 'life is beautiful, still, if you neglect what human's have done with it' or 'deep thoughts in solitude in the forest' or 'alone in the forest i am pure' or 'i forgot who i was for a moment while listening to broken social scene' or 'something' could be a central idea in my novel
are there themes to my life, our lives - the lives of people i am in contact with or who live under, within, on top of the same infrastructure as i do - that i have not discovered yet?
seems like it would be best to avoid themes all together. i don't want to skew the reality built within the prose that i feel would ameliorate exactly what i am trying to express.
feel pretty bad about this post, just trying to bury other posts that i also feel bad about.
novel is so bad, maybe i should do something else
4.14.2010
Swedish 'skater dudes' commemorate ali's liberation via uploads of some vintage, shitty quality vhs video featuring 'baggy clothes,' 'mongo pushing' and uhm yeah cool... idk
Welcome Out Ali! part 1 from Martin Karlsson on Vimeo.
Welcome Out, Ali part 2 from Martin Karlsson on Vimeo.
Welcome Out, Ali part 3-1996 from Martin Karlsson on Vimeo.
sort of feels like skateboarding reached it's peak when rich kids started getting really good at a young age. parents didn't want them skating in their driveways anymore and so they were sent to woodward in ohio where it was beautiful and relaxing so they could focus on landing insane tricks. they could misbehave and not piss off mom and dad.
is misbehaving worth it if it doesn't piss off someone?
i see now how giving someone negative attention still encourages their potentially shittier behavior. seems like i've come to that conclusion in so many different formats.
tired of it. tired of young people constantly progressing. does this mean i will be left behind via technology and feel alienated by the future's equivalent to the internet?
am i stuck in the past?
am i letting go too soon?
just want to live through skaters on vhs who didn't try too hard. just want to skate with people who see things without preconceptions, psuedo-morals or collective judgment...
just kidding, idk, life sucks...
is skateboarding like writing?
what's easier getting sponsors or blog hits or indie-zine press?
do bloggers deserve a pulitzer category?
been thinking i should write a story where the person hates and is ashamed of their body, has a really bad job, cries a lot, eats bad food, plays video games, has a smelly room... other bad/ lonely things.
might be funny
man, this is a long one huh?
feel like there's no point to posts like this anymore. probably the last time i do this. probably should cut it out with the annoying skateboarding stuff too.
Welcome Out Ali! part 1 from Martin Karlsson on Vimeo.
Welcome Out, Ali part 2 from Martin Karlsson on Vimeo.
Welcome Out, Ali part 3-1996 from Martin Karlsson on Vimeo.
sort of feels like skateboarding reached it's peak when rich kids started getting really good at a young age. parents didn't want them skating in their driveways anymore and so they were sent to woodward in ohio where it was beautiful and relaxing so they could focus on landing insane tricks. they could misbehave and not piss off mom and dad.
is misbehaving worth it if it doesn't piss off someone?
i see now how giving someone negative attention still encourages their potentially shittier behavior. seems like i've come to that conclusion in so many different formats.
tired of it. tired of young people constantly progressing. does this mean i will be left behind via technology and feel alienated by the future's equivalent to the internet?
am i stuck in the past?
am i letting go too soon?
just want to live through skaters on vhs who didn't try too hard. just want to skate with people who see things without preconceptions, psuedo-morals or collective judgment...
just kidding, idk, life sucks...
is skateboarding like writing?
what's easier getting sponsors or blog hits or indie-zine press?
do bloggers deserve a pulitzer category?
been thinking i should write a story where the person hates and is ashamed of their body, has a really bad job, cries a lot, eats bad food, plays video games, has a smelly room... other bad/ lonely things.
might be funny
man, this is a long one huh?
feel like there's no point to posts like this anymore. probably the last time i do this. probably should cut it out with the annoying skateboarding stuff too.
4.13.2010
3.30.2010
3.25.2010
garbage strike, 1975
i think there is a band named garbage strike.
people talk about the 1975 garbage strike.
they seem shocked or suprised or like something weird is happening to them, invisibly, while they speak.
did they strike in '75 for the same reason as they did in toroto, last year - municipal mayham?
someone told me guiliani stopped the recycling pick-up for a month.
we lived on a lake and drove our garbage to the dump.
i think you can do that no matter where you live.
that would suck. i feel so dumb.
i think there is a band named garbage strike.
people talk about the 1975 garbage strike.
they seem shocked or suprised or like something weird is happening to them, invisibly, while they speak.
did they strike in '75 for the same reason as they did in toroto, last year - municipal mayham?
someone told me guiliani stopped the recycling pick-up for a month.
we lived on a lake and drove our garbage to the dump.
i think you can do that no matter where you live.
that would suck. i feel so dumb.
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