This post has been edited by Tao and republished here.

This part was edited out of what was published at Muumuu House:

"Damn, why are people running away from him / me / each other when we could have just waited until he walked by and the smell would just be momentary? Damn, why didn’t that guy realize he smelt like fresh poop?"

“Don’t you have gloves,” Harry says.

“Mice chewed our gloves,” Ellie says.

“You don’t even have boots on,” Harry says.

Ellie shrugs her shoulders and waves at the people for them to enter the corral.

&6&

how am i different from people?
how will she view my life?
going to google ‘meaningful life’







again

seems like I am upset with life
should probably ‘keep going’
water falls off of a rock and is white





stunts stunts

heard kevin garnett say anything is possible

was staring at a grim reaper figurine

he has a felt cloak, a skeleton face,

and a crooked plastic staff

i felt hungry and nothing / depressed






^^^

do i feel tired right now?

i dressed in the light of my headlamp

didn’t count the change after i bought a bagel

who is my senator

senators seem insane

can i imagine a good senator

radio hosts are ugly






*&^

i am going to imagine the universe
i keep destroying myself
from the inside
we are all hipsters
there are hipster dentists
and hipster murderers
there are red maples everywhere
in manhattan, circa 1609





bros edit

you might hear my dad spinning

love the word 'hosts' above

didn't want to change it

***review***2009 NYFF (New York Film Festival) SESSION 2 - October 3rd, Walter Reade Theater - VIEWS FROM THE AVANT-GARDE (13th Edition)***review***

I went to this with a friend. Another person, a friend and family member, was there too. We didn't sit all together. This is a review, maybe. In the beginning my friend and I talked quietly, then we saw my family member. The event started with the curator introducing all of the filmmakers (10 total films). The filmmakers said their names and then said something about their films. One of the filmmakers, Ben Russell, didn't participate in that. The filmmakers seemed funny, or stupid. I felt that some of the things they said were abstract and then other things they said were specific, too specific to mention for my purposes.

Uhm, so yeah, the first two were short, sort of banal and ‘empty’ pieces. They seemed to work with the textures of things like walls and paint, horizons, desert grounds, piles of dirt, shadows, HD medium, 16mm (scratchy) medium, ‘jump cuts’, fading cuts, and quick edits to contrasting shots.

The third film, "What Part of the Earth We Inhabit", depicted natural life. There were birds, reptiles, rocks, lichen, plants, the ocean, some seals, I think, a pile of komodo dragons, I think, waves, a waterfall, an island. Approximately two minutes before the finish the framing started including man-made structures, like cement walls, some people in modern clothing. The framing sometimes went from the shots used earlier to wider angle shots, including the people. I think there was a giant snapping turtle that looked 'creepy' and 'cute' which also seemed ‘central’ to the piece.

A film called "Night Side" had a house in it and a street maybe. I felt relieved to be viewing things from inside a house - a small reflection of a ceiling light that wobbled from wind pushing the window or glass door it was in. It seemed like this one had a lot of 'nature' in it too. It seems like there was something that made me feel 'happy' or comforted me, I don't remember, sort of like when I try to think of middle school or a vacation before I turned twenty.

The next movie was "dwarfs the sea". This movie felt like a relief from the other movie because there was dialogue. A computer generated voice described the lives of men depicted in photos that a not-seen hand dropped 'one at a time' on top of each other. Each description didn’t seem to have the same length or topic. The observations seemed detached because of the monotone, robotic sound and also because of the concrete actions described. Sometimes feelings, situations and abstract environments were described. I felt cognizant of the pictures the not-seen person put down and the sometimes neglect of the narrative to say things directly related to the picture. It seemed like the voice at the end talked more about just being at sea, and loneliness, and loneliness in life as a whole, and not the men anymore, but just people. The men all looked Latin American and poor - one or two white men, the captain was white. The computer generated voice said the captain was a 'bad lover to his wife'.

The next movie was "Journals and Remarks". It had this 'horrible' blinking technique, where each shot was like one second of something in the Galapagos (this is the one seemed to be set in the same place as "What Part of the Earth We Inhabit") and then a second of black frame and another second of something different on the nature, a second of black and then a shot of a page of Darwin’s Origin of Species scrolling. Some of this film felt to me like what I desire least from my image of the avant-garde classification. As the film went on there were no more frames of black interspersed into the pulsating edit style. I felt better. I felt less anxious once this film was over.

"A Letter to Uncle Boonmee" seemed good in the beginning. I was happy to hear a voice again. I was happy to see a person's face too. The film seemed to have some sort of commentary on a war atrocity. I felt excited because there was a dog. At one point the voice which is reciting a letter to an uncle, mentioning the place we were seeing on the screen and plans to shoot a film in that place. At one point as the camera moved / panned aimlessly around and within a complex of bungalows built in a Thailand jungle, it went out the window a little and the voice said something like 'was this the view you had, uncle'. The sound of the jungle and the moving branches of the jungle seemed calm / relaxing / stimulating / peaceful. Other memorable moments from this film: the Thai man staring, him lying on the floor with the fan on him, the dark figure lying under the mosquito net, the soldiers pick axing and shoveling the dirt, the pan of the jungle with the small dark figure walking in it, the hard wood flooring of the bungalows, the dog eating the thing the Thai man tosses, a giant orb with two dents (like nostrils) emitting smoke from the blind side in the distance.

"Trypps #6 (Malobi)" was 'kooky' as the person I went with said after it was over. What seemed like native villagers participated in a ritual dance / celebration while wearing what seemed to be ‘conventional’ american halloween masks, and not native type clothing / costumes. Some of it seemed eerie and affecting because of the lack of talking and the expression on the masks. Some of it seemed boring, as the costumed people walked through the village you expected them to enter a large celebration circle with a fire. There was the sounds of drumming, laughter, cheering, and random explosions in the background. In the final seconds you see one of the costumers put on a over sized dildo and another costumer strokes it / pretends to have sex with it.

There was a short 'break' before the last film, "I Know Where I Am Going" by Ben Rivers. The short break happened because the projectionist need to adjust the lens on the projector because Ben Rivers' film was shot on 16mm wide (maybe filmed on something that looks like what is pictured to the right, from retrothing[dot]com).While they were adjusting the lens the screen was white and then a ghost white framing went over the screen and onto the black borders of the screen. My friend next to me said, "This film is so avant-garde". The first few minutes of the film the focus seemed off. There was an anxious feeling in the crowd, I think people felt indecisive about whether it was supposed to be soft focused. After a few minutes it didn't matter, to me anyway. The film showed a lot of nature. I think it was England or Scotland. The nature looked nice. There was audio the whole time and that made me feel good. I don't remember what it was of, but I think it was gathered at the shooting locations. Then the audio was of a person's voice and the voice said things about the world and humans, I think. The things seemed profound and calming and abstract. It said things like people do this and this is happening in the world. The film showed a road, moving, as if 'first-person' on the hood of a car. The film looked 'beautiful', to me, and calming and 'relaxing'. I remember snow covered mountains, a misty, darkly lit road. Then film showed a forest, a person cutting trees from a forest, and the person using a horse or something to tow the trees. The person kept saying 'back' 'back' as if talking to the horse. When the film showed the trees falling a felt a desire for the tree to crash into the earth, but most times the trees just fell and then gradually stopped a few feet above the ground. The film showed a man in a beekeepers suit standing inside a ruined foundation, accessing bee boxes. The man gesticulates in between his activities with the bee boxes. There is audio playing of a voice talking about 'humanity', I think, and 'what humans have done so far', I think. It seems like the beekeeper is saying the things. The beekeeper raises his arms and it 'matches up' with the voice 'perfectly' and it seems really funny and 'profound'. Then the film focuses on a man who lives amongst junk. The audio is 'disjointed' while the film focuses on this man. A voice in the audio says things about the planets and the human 'experience'. The voice says something like 'people should calm down and live more simply and not try so hard' or something and that felt calming. The film had basically three or four parts. Three or four (not sure if the beekeeper and the wood cutter were the same) different people, focused on in a quasi-documentary film style, with natural sound from the location and disjointed audio, in addition, overlaid, which was usually voice and in the last there was music. Between each section there were the ‘driving’ shots moving over a road. The final 'section' showed snow dusted mountains and a road and then a forest covered in 2 or 3 feet of snow. It showed a man walking in the snow. There were big ‘cakes’ of snow on the trees. I liked seeing that much snow. It showed a man living in a shack buried in the snow. He was shown outside using a digital camera, cooking inside, and just moving around inside his place. When he was shown outside audio of him playing a string instrument and singing was overlaid. There were shots of some junked and smashed cars. There were shots of nature. It was a half hour, roughly – the longest of all the movies in that session. I watched an interview with Ben Rivers on youtube. He talked about his films being fiction and non-fiction and there being a blur in the reality of that. It seems both noteworthy and underwhelming.

Outside the theater my friend and the person from my family talked about the films. We talked about a person vomiting during The Antichrist, a film by Lars Von Trier. The person in my family said William Defoe said Von Trier experienced 'a great amount' of grief and depression when he made the film or leading up to making it. My friend said that seemed really artistic. I saw a filmmaker from session 2 crying. My friend saw a fat man spill bourbon on his tie after passing through two glass doorways. I ate some polish food with my friend. I went home and don’t remember what I did the rest of the day in my apartment by myself.

The Sound and the Fury (a Gothic-style, fiction work, written in the stream-of-consciousness mode).

I used to reread this novel a lot. I like these parts from the Benjy section: the second scene with Benjy (when he wants to go outside in the cold), the scene somewhere later on when Benjy can't stop crying into his soup, the scene where Benjy falls asleep next to Caddy, when the servants get Benjy drunk on 'sarsaparilla' or 'sassparilla' (not sure) during Caddy's wedding. I like the 'muddy drawers' scene with Caddy and when they are 'playing' in the 'branch' behind the house. I like the dialogue as they are walking back to the house for dinner. At the house the dad seems like a 'really good' character. He must be the least talked about character aside from maybe one of the servants. I like the Quentin section the most. It seems like 'the core' section of the novel. I like these scenes from that section: Quentin meeting the lost, Italian speaking girl in the bakery; when he goes to court for walking around with the Italian girl; when they get him out of court and he has a flashback to him and Caddy by 'the branch'. This part seems like it involves suicidal thinking and thoughts about beauty. I don't like the Jason section as much as the others. It is readable and a lot happens in it. The Dilsey section seems more readable - not a lot happens in it. I like the church scene and the opening description of Dilsey, in the Disley section. One of my favorite scenes involves Quentin and Caddy, I think, or is it Benjy, no, I think it's Quentin and he's home from college and he goes walking into the woods at night. They talk about a dead horse in a ditch. The horse might be from his childhood. The horse has a name. That part seems suicidal. I usually cannot discern at what point Quentin dies while I am reading. I think I just know he has died because they talk about him in the other sections as if he's gone forever.

my writing is so bad, nothing is beautiful

I have been seriously questioning my life lately.
It seems like I should not live in Brooklyn.

I cannot take a vacation.
If I were to travel, the government would
Eventually send me envelopes.

I dreamed the last three or four nights.
I am on my back. I sleep like that.
My head is propped up a little.

Before I sleep real life seems more like a dream.
Then I sleep and I dream.

As I am waking I repeatedly ‘silence’ my cell phone alarm.
Something seems bad when I first stand.

I am picturing my head bending up and down in the shower.
My head is encased in soap bubbles.

I am not successful. It’d be different if I was successful.
Some people make casseroles.

Can of soda:

I want a can of soda.
I feel like soda is bad for me.

Watching television and eating salad.

Direct TV.

He can afford Direct TV but I cannot.

We won’t buy Direct TV because I can only afford regular cable.

I don’t care what my friends can afford to subscribe to.

FiOS.

Plastic bottle of Snapple.

NPR, CSPAN, CSPAN 2, AIR AMERICA RADIO, PBS 21/13

I watched / listened to all of these media outlets today.

I listened to WNYC, which is the New York NPR affiliate, I think, a little in the morning, using their streaming web broadcast. I enjoy the ongoing coverage of health care. They always have a 2-3 minute story on a health care related conflict every morning. Though, I don't feel like I understand the overall conflicts caused by our health care system any more than I did before. I just know that I support any idea of a public option. My support seems vague and useless though. I think I support it because I use the subway system. I think health care and transportation should be optioned by the government. I also support the government in their protection of the land, i.e. "Forever Wild". I will get back to that later. [I no longer support the idea of a public heatlh care option.]

CSPAN had two shots in one screen. One was of a white man talking. One was of the bench in congress. The people around the bench seemed to be walking around in an undisciplined fashion like in a senior seminar class where the students all have independent focuses. There were numbers on the screen. There was a vote for something related to health care reform. The democrats, who had power in numbers, AND the republicans comprised for a majority count in the "YEA" column.

CSPAN 2 had a multi-camera thing going on. It seemed like there were no camera people though. They switched shots much less frequently than, lets say, "Oprah". Some democrats were talking about health care fraudulence. It seemed like no one was listening. Sometimes they said things like, "The point I am trying to make, Mr. President is..." I am 99% sure Obama was not in Congress today.

I put Air America Radio on using their streaming web browser broadcast. It was the Montelle Williams show but someone was filling in for him. The fill in was a comedian. He seemed to have a lot of good ideas but he didn't give very many facts. I kept in mind this was a national radio show. He had guests but I don't remember any of their titles.

In my apartment I watched PBS 13 and there was a topical piece on. I forget what it was about but then when it was concluding they switched to a shot of Tavis Smiley in the studio and I thought to myself, "Ah, Smiley."

In my apartment I also watched PBS 21, locally known as WLIW. There was a documentary on The Adirondacks on. I felt my skin feel a coldness. There were waves of coldness. I felt excited. They talked about logging, the Miracle on Ice, Olympians, the history of protection and land use. The big issue seems to be land use. People in the interviews said things that seemed to set the Adirondacks apart from other wilderness places. Sort of like when authors talk about other authors they like. The Adirondacks seem to have national significance. It seems to be an area identified by wilderness, ownership boundaries, agencies, worldviews, natural organisms. Ubiquitous.

I stayed on PBS 21. There were some world news segments, more health care reform attention, some aids in third world places attention. Now, now the antiques road show is on. The people on antiques road show seem smart. The experts seem detached from the objects. The owners seem attached and sort of ignorant. Someone on gchat expressed excitement for this show. They said they like when the people are silent at the end of each appraisal, when they are letting the cameras just show the antique items in a still shot. Awkward.

i am going to the Adirondacks next weekend

if the weather holds up

i am very excited

The initial organizational meeting, attended by forty people, took place on December 5, 1921 in the Log Cabin atop the Abercrombie & Fitch sporting goods store in New York City. The club's objectives were to develop and maintain hiking trails, to construct and maintain campsites and permanent camps, to publish maps and guidebooks, and to educate the public regarding the conservation of natural resources and prevention of forest fires. One of the first trails constructed by club members was the 133-mileNorthville-Placid Trail which traverses the Adirondacks in a north-south orientation.

- wikipedia

is this a good mountain to climb in tribute to the fallen heroes of 9-11...

sup september, anti flag, september, comfi lahari

What should I do when someone acts mean or appears angry?
It does not seem like it will be permanent
I feel like it is similar to a thought in that respect
In that respect should I not just leave it alone
until it does something different?
Do thoughts do things on their own?
Should I be anticipating something or
just very careful with everything?

*

It seems like I haven’t written any good loneliness poems
It seems like I haven’t changed in a long time

Change, man, change is so underrated

I thought about asking my friend how much money he had
What if myself and this friend move to the country
Would this be homoerotic because the friend I am thinking of is male

I honestly think I can be a better person in the country

*

We have been in the same house
And moving towards the same room maybe
Are we moving towards the same room
I hope we are
I wish I had another beer
The beer I have now is really good
It is the only one
The incenses burning are my last two incenses
There’s a breeze
I’m in a rocker
I am a rocker
Something happened in my head that’s either insignificant
Or inexplicable, whatever
Where are you?
Hey

*

Nothing seems interesting.
I am focusing in on a lot of things from my position here
In the rocking chair.
My back aches a little from sitting like this for a while.
My beer got a little warmer.
There's no going back.
I just focused on the atmosphere
between myself and this tree
hoping for some internal reaction.
i guess no, i guess i perceived
the length of my life only.
I guess that is a reaction.
disatisfaction is just a longer
word for 'bored' when you can't
make yourself learn more.

Smile And Compliment - Peggy H...

;)